In high school I loved physics class.
Physics is so dependable.
Do X and Y happens. ALL the time.
Did X.
Y happened.
There are reasons and laws and math and everything can be measured. And one of the most profound things I learned in Highschool physics was the idea of Inerita and Momentum.
A subject in motion wants to stay in motion unless acted on by other forces.
A subject at rest wants to stay at rest.
If you throw a ball and suddenly gravity goes away and the friction of air goes away that ball will fly in the same direction at the same speed forever. But air friction is an outside force slowing it down and gravity is an outside force changing its direction till the thrown ball arcs down and rests on the ground. And if not picked up again that ball will sit there...forever.
Those laws of physics playout inside me. When I finally get moving, I'm happy to be moving to be doing things, and then external forces start acting on me, slowing me down till I finally stop.
And when I stop I feel the fullness of Inertia. I am at rest I want to stay at rest.
Emotional Inertia is a subtle voice that tells me "no." "can't." "be still." "leave it for later." and inless I muster a force within, the inertia keeps me from motion.
My Emotiona Inertia isn't like the "not good enough" noise. It carries no judgement. and I think it may have developed to keep me safe from the swift terrifying gales of anxiety that hit me. If I'm still. If I am not moved then nothing bad can happen. Inertia + Anxiety is good and safe.
But when I am depressed this same emotional Inertia makes it too easy to withdraw from life and loved ones. I sit alone instead of with my husband. I stay quiet instead of sharing my thoughts. Inertia makes it easy to cut myself off from contact. Because a body at rest wants to stay at rest.
My emotional inertia need me to generate a lot of force to do something when I'm depressed. But if I can get moving then I start feeling a little happier. Doing something productive, doing a little exercise, cleaing a cluttered corner gives me a little perk to fend off the darkness and there is a big difference between being at a happy tired rest and being at a Im not moving today rest.
Since Inertia isn't a tool of depression to hurt me but rather a defense against the anxiety that accompanies my Depression I don't need to be wary of my Inertia, I just need to be aware of it. I need to acknowledge it and even be grateful for it, because its physics, its constant and its natural.
The next time I feel the weight of inertia I need to tell myself, that I'm ok. I'm not anxious right now. I don't need the Inertia to keep myself still. Then it won't take such energy to get up and do something.
