Basil howled a little today while Michael held him for me to clean his sores and put salve on them. Dalys said sadly that his howl broke her heart. It broke mine too. She asked me how I could do it. I know that cleaning his wounds and putting salve on them will make him feel better. I love him. When you love someone -even a cat- you can do things you never thought you'd do.
So for as long as he has it in him, I'm a cat nurse.
Yesturday I wasn't a cat nurse. Yesterday I could smell the bacteria and I wanted to cry and I just went to bed feeling like a bad human being. In the cold rational light of day, I suppose since I haven't made soup from my cats I'm actually and ok human being. Humans do some weird shit.
For those interested, His swollen paw has reduced a little from the antibiotic. The mass under his front right paw doesn't seem as inflames, and the sore on his side looks like its finally closing.
We're feeding him whatever he wants whenever. I just bought freshpet catfood. its little bits of tender kibble that you keep in the fridge. He loves it. As long as he eats drinks purrs and poops. He's ok.
ofcourse he's no longer using the litter box. But he limps to get around. So we got an enzime urine cleaner spray. Hopefully that will keep our house from smelling like cat.
It hurts that I can't make him better, That I can't fix my cat. But as long as I can keep on taking care of him as he gets sicker, as long as I can take care of him till the end He'll know I love him.
Also when I tell myself that I'm not good enough. I now can rebutt that with - well Basil seemed to think I was good enough. He wants to climb on me even after I hurt him with the peroxide and the salve. I make him feel comforted. I'm good enough for that.
smell of the day: cat pee (no surprise there)
sound of the day: dryer tumbling with I think a metal buckle on something in there.
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