Holidays Depression and the Train of Suck

Thanksgiving this week.

And so it begins.  The Holidays.

When your Not Depressed the Holidays can be stressful and full of expectations and desires.

Now add to that a thick self deprecating layer of soul numbing depression, trigger happy anxiety, and a healthy dose of PTSD (hush now, look away, and I'm not talking about it) and you have a recipe for SUCK. So much SUCK.

The train of Suck gets to add express lanes and lots of loud noisy cars to run me down with.  Because I load that sucker up with expectations.  I remember happy holidays. I need to be like that. (yeah-no I don't) there are even more expectations that I think that YOU think that I should think (Yeah...again no.)

You want to survive these holidays and maybe even catch a happy for a second or two?
Expect to be depressed.
Expect that the anxiety is going to be really bad.
Expect that your going to need to cry and to curl up and be anti-social
Because that's what a normal day is like, and under all the holiday decorations, there is a normal Thursday under thanksgiving.  And so all the things you go through on the average Thursday while depressed are all going to be there

Expect to be stressed. Expect to be tired.  And expect that the train of suck is waiting to tell you how you are ruining the holidays for everyone.

Your not.
All that extra pressure you feel on yourself, is being felt by everyone you are sharing the holiday with so if someone isn't happy, its got nothing to do with you. People are not at their best under stress. So take it easy on yourself. 

Set your expectations small.  Maybe getting through the night without having to cry is a success. Maybe just getting through the meal without crying. Set reasonable expectaions.

I want a little turkey. I want to see my sisters all together. I want a picture with Dalys and Michael. I want a nap. I want a slice of pie.  I want to hold my granddaughter, I want to play with my grandson.
If enough of these little expectations happen I'll find a little happy.  If all of them then I'll get a good warm holiday contentment going.  Anything more is bonus. Anything less is survivable.

I am not responsible for anyone's happiness but my own. I can't read minds, so I will take for face value whatever anyone tells me. I will ask for help when I start to sink. I will retreat if needed to take care of myself, and trust that my family will understand.

This is my action plan for the holidays. It derails the train of suck. When I get anxious I remind myself. small expectations. look over the plan. If I need to cry its ok.

If your depressed its ok.  You've got this.  Its just another thursday. and remember I love you.

smell of the day: Shampooed hair
Sound of the day: Sia singing "Cloud"