Nov 4-9th: Taking my Depression and Anxiety to a Game convention

I have words.

I have some really really good words.  Control and Trust, those are team words. Faith which is different then trust, and more.

But I am at the Hyatt in Morristown today at a Metatopia the great Game Design Convention.

I am being buffeted by my anxieties big time.  I saw myself in the mirror this morning and wanted to hide.  The Train of Suck trolled in the background telling me Im repulsive. Telling me most people are polite and tolerant which doesn't mean your liked. Telling me to stay in bed or maybe go home.

So yeah, its one of those mornings.

I have a workshop to do soon.  For a game in developement.  That doesn't scare me.  I'm in my element there.  No so much tomorrow when I put ideas to test. Tomorrow will be hard, but again play tests are still my element.

The thing is when your depressed you need to make sure you don't take anything personal.  Try not to talk about myself.  Ask others how they are doing.

I have chocolate and I have pretty dice to fondle.  Chocolate pays twice because it gives off an aroma. These are what im using to self sooth.

I need a battle plan to help with my feelings of being over whelmed. I need a good earworm song to play in my head and fight the static.  Ive been listening to Awolnation lately.  so Sail is easy to conjure up.

I'm afraid of the sound of my own voice today. I'm afriad of oversharing. Of spilling my unpleasntries on others.  All of those feed into the anxiety.  I can count them and acknowlege them and release them. I don't need to be controlled by them.

Anyway/  I will try to get more Words of the Day out by Sunday.
I'm trying to use as many of those words as I can now, because I'm feeling emotionaly unstable.

Sound of the Day: Hotel Airconditioner Fan
Smell of the Day: Coffee