Nov 3: Word of the Day: Anniversary

Anniversary is a good word.
It's an important word.

But how does it help against the battle with Depression?

If your like me and certain times of year or days of the year trigger scary negative emotions.

Maybe you don't even know why, you just wake up suddenly anxious and then sad.

Here's a fact I've learned through experience: Traumas leave scars that can tell time.

Doesn't that suck?

If your feeling overwhelmed and you don't know why it can make you feel crazy.  I literally tell myself I'm Crazy.  I say it before anyone else can. I say it because my emotions are roiling and pressuring me on the inside and even if no one else notices I feel like any moment my skin might crack and the crazy will start to leak out.

Because I don't know why I feel this way.  I need reason or else I'm just a broken thing.

That's when Anniversary becomes and ally.

Take a moment to think what was going on this time last year-
oh I felt crazy then too?
and the year before?
and the year before. . .
but wait, it was this time of year when I was told that I was not going to be allowed to adopt the adorable little girl our family had fallen in love with who fit into our lives like the last piece of a puzzle.  The powers that be moved her back in with her siblings so that they could all be adopted together just months after assuring me there was no chance that they would ever do this.

This was so traumatic for me it ripped out a piece of my heart which then scarred, and now the time after halloween leading up to thanksgiving has an emotional minefield and I wake up feeling like I'm loosing everything. I still feel the grief even though that happened years ago.

Before I remember that Anniversary, all I know is that I have these overwhelming dread feelings, and grief feeling and loss feeling and I want to cry.

But once I recognize the Anniversary I remember that this is about the time I lost my unadopted daughter and I immediately stop feeling crazy.

I'm not crazy. There is a reason I feel this way.  Its about loss.  These feelings are a natural consequence of that loss.

Now I can think about that little girl, and look at pictures of her and cry a little, missing her and grieve as I must - but the anxiety, the feeling of dread and the fear of being unstable go away.

I acknowledge where the pain is coming from, and I allow myself to feel that loss and put a name to it.  Suddenly I'm back in control, I'm more settled and more sane.

Thats how powerful an Ally Anniversary is.

If you can't explain a sudden rush of powerful emotions look to the past, was there a trauma that happened to you near this time of year? This may be the reason for your emotional episode.

As G. I . Joe would say "knowing is half the battle."
You are strong enough to take on the other half of this battle with depression.
"Go JOE!"

Smell of the day: wood smoke.
Sound of the day: Computer Keyboard soft clicking as you type.