Thought of the Day: Easy Does It: more on Replenish and Resourceful.

I have not kept up with my words of the day this week. I had a lovely time at the Game convention I went to. This time there was a support group which understood mental illness so if I felt out of control (which I did) I could seek out another member and talk or not and it was all ok.

And it was all ok.

And after the convention I was exhausted. Its thursday and Im still so tired. So I didn't do my words on Monday or Tuesday or Wednesday.

And there is this thing that happens that I want to address right now.  Taking time out because you are replenishing is not an excuse to beat yourself up for not doing thing A. Because that is what happens.  I decide that I can't do a thing that I want to do because I just don't have it in me.  And then I get to tell myself I suck, I'm lame, I'm a loser. I'm Lazy. and even worse...I tell myself even worse things and I just keep telling myself things and its exhausting.

After being run over with the train of suck not only can I not do thing A but I can do things B through D now either.

Depression is sneaky. It will fight you using tools to make yourself feel better, and try to use those tools against you.

So lets step back a bit:

Using the tools Resourceful and Replenish, I decide how much energy and self I have and then I pull back to allow myself to rest.  Things are not going to get done because the more important thing, the ME thing is getting done.

Taking care of a Depressed soul is hard work. fighting the Negativity is hard work. Not giving in for appearances sake, but actively choosing my self first is a fight worth fighting. I'm being Brave, Strong, Good, Wise and Loving to myself when I choose to replenish over a thing.

And So are you when you do it.  Depression may rally and attack but all the negativity it carries is lies. It has no weapons to attack you with when you replenish when you count your internal resources and make an informed decision for your best self interest. Do not let Depression use your healing tools against you.  Give it nothing. Remind it that you get to decide whats good and resting right now is good.

So.
If there are pauses in the Daily words, it is likely I'm just replenishing.
But Auntie Depressant is important to me.  I have already learned much about myself and about my Depression since I started it.

And if One day I decide I don't need it any longer I will stop.  or if my depression gets so big that I can't do things for a while I may stop.

But what I won't do is use this beautiful thing I created as a tool to torment myself, or as a weight to make myself feel anyway negative about myself or it. And standing up for myself...even from myself, is Brave.

Anyway, I love you. Remember that.

Sound of the Day: Sink water running.
Smell of the day: freshly washed shirt.