I've got a really good word for the day today. Replenish, which I always thing Re-plent-ish but there is no “t”. But in my mind it has the word plenty in it so I know where to go when I have less and I need more.
Replenish makes me think of a tall chilled glass of cool water, when I’m thirsty. It's a relieving, reviving kind of word.
Anyway. Replenish makes a very good defender word.
If you're anything like me, then at a certain point of your depression you start to crave affection, and comfort. For me I need to touch, to hold, and I reach out for it and then I condemn myself before anyone else can for being NEEDY.
Needy is one of the Train of Suck words. it's a word I get to use to tear myself down. Why do you have to be so frickin needy all the time? Why can’t you be normal....chugga chugga...(fricking train)
Here is the thing. the Train of Suck lies.
When you are depressed you hurt emotionally, but also a little physically too. Maybe you numb out. Maybe you get sore. Maybe your body just feels heavy and your day feels like you're moving through glue. Depression is uncomfortable.
What is the most NORMAL thing in the world to do when you are uncomfortable? You move? You seek comfort. Comfort seeking is natural and good. And when you get a little comfort, you get a little stronger more able to fight the good fight. (which the Train of Suck does not want you to do or you might end up cutting off its fuel supply and stranding it somewhere.)
Seeking Comfort makes me feel vulnerable and “needy”
but I’m not needy,
I’m merely Replenishing some comfort back into my soul.
And that’s how I’m going to defend myself from calling myself needy and feeling bad about it.
I am Depressed. I will Replenish my need for comfort many times until this depression passes.
Sound of the day: Electric tea kettle boiling water.
Smell of the day: wet wool (its raining)
No comments:
Post a Comment